We all know about “social distancing”, a term most of us had never heard of until about 3 weeks ago.  Now we hear it every day, and are even reminded of it when we go to the store, there’s “X’s” taped on the floor to re-enforce us to keep an appropriate distance in the checkout line.  We’re encouraged to stay at least 6 feet away from people we are interacting with.  Given these guidelines and the fact that this virus pandemic is probably going to be affecting our lives for awhile, now would be the perfect time to figuratively and literally, distance yourself from the “close talker” in your life.

You know the person I’m talking about, the one who stands just a little bit too close when talking to you.  The person who invades your personal space to make a point, the person who doesn’t understand that most people have a “force field” around them that’s about an arms length in distance.

But now is the perfect time to shed that annoying person in your life.  They call you to have coffee, nope sorry, have to follow social distancing guidelines.  They see you out somewhere, you can literally put your arm out to prevent them from invading you space and simply say,

“oh sorry, coronavirus”

I think a lot of people are going to be able to shed the “close talker” in their life because of this coronavirus.  But consider this, if you don’t know who the “close talker” in your life is, then you just might be the “close talker” in somebody else’s life.  There’s this idea we were taught in business school, when you enter a room, look around and identify who the “rube” is, who the “sucker” is, and if you can’t identify who that person is, then it just might be you.  So don’t be the close talker in someone else’s life.

What we’re also losing is the “handshake.”  This virus is easily transmitted so we’re encouraged not to shake hands, and instead to do a “fist bump” instead.  I myself like a good handshake.  You can gauge a persons interest in you and their general enthusiasm about life by their handshake.  I soft, half-hearted handshake with no motion shows a lack of interest.  A person who barely grips your hand and also won’t look you in the eye while doing it is not to be trusted.

Accordingly, a person who grips your hand, gives it a good shake and enthusiastically pumps your hand once, or twice conveys a certain positive feeling, and a certain positive energy generally comes from such a person.  Also a person who has a sweaty hand or a cold hand certainly gives off a negative vibe.

Think about the holiday movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”…George Bailey was all set to go work for old man Potter.  He was going to be his business manager and receive a substantial raise for doing so.  He could finally buy Mary the things he always promised her.  He could get himself out of debt and perhaps even do some traveling like he always wanted.  But when he shook old man Potters hand he realized, as if suddenly being able to peer into the old mans long dead soul, that he couldn’t possibly ever work for Potter.  He couldn’t possibly turn his back on all he had built and all the town people he had helped through his little savings and loan bank.  If he went to work for Potter, in a short time the whole town would be turned into “Pottersville,” a corrupt little town where only the powerful and connected were successful.

Yes, George was able to determine all that in a handshake….I hope we don’t lose that human connection of handshakes and hugs and yes even close talkers, as annoying as they might be…

Stay safe and as always Peace

 

 

 

 

I left the house today and went out there.  I’ve been leaving the house every day for walks and bike rides, but today I really left.  I got in my car and went to town.  We needed a few grocery items, and when my wife heard I was going to the store, she made a list and my few grocery items ended up being an entire cart full.

Shopping has turned into a surreal experience.  What used to be a mundane, mindless task has become this odd experience.  Grocery stores being one of the few places we can go, you get a general feeling of the way life is now.  Immediately when you walk in you notice the changes.  There is a person sterilizing the carts with a spray bottle and cloth.  There’s “X” on the floor by the checkouts where people should be standing to be an appropriate distance apart.  The store has installed a giant, plastic sneeze guard to protect the cashier from the shopper.  *Side note*… does this corona virus mean the end of salad bars and all you can eat buffets? or will people just go back to them once this is over?

I saw a lot of shoppers wearing face masks and gloves, I wore neither.  I can’t imagine the day when I might wear a face mask.  Perhaps I’m being foolish or not cautious enough but if I have to wear a face mask, I just might as well stay at home.  The store was pretty well stocked except for the paper aisle.  I don’t think that aisle will ever be fully stocked again.  There was definitely a different vibe to the whole shopping experience.  It will be interesting to see  how many of the new procedures remain after we return to normal.

Random Thoughts….

I wish it was warmer so I could be outside doing more stuff.  I was supposed to be in Florida this week on a spring break vacation.

Instead I’m inside more than I would like watching shows like Tiger King.  Yes, I was coerced into watching this show called Tiger King about these people who own exotic animals like tigers and lions.  I didn’t think it was all that interesting,  I almost fell asleep, and quite frankly even though I know these people exist, I don’t really want to know anything about them.  They all seem awful and the people who visit their “zoos” and take selfies with baby tigers are just as bad.

My son is making good progress on our 1000 piece puzzle.  I’d say he has about 1/8th of it completed.  He’s sat down each day for about an hour working on it.  Meanwhile I’ve begun to clean out a closet.  And I heard this quarantine is to remain in effect for all of April and perhaps longer.  I don’t have that many closets….

Be safe and Peace

 

I rode my bike today outside for the first time since New Years Day.  Yup, you read that correctly, New Years Day.  There’s a bike group in the area that has a New Years Day ride every year between these two small towns near where I live.  Its about a 10 mile round trip ride, which is nothing for someone who rides regularly, but obviously depending on the weather can be difficult.  This past January 1st was cold, but it wasn’t snowing or raining, and there wasn’t a lot of snow or ice on the ground so  I decided to join the ride.

I froze, and I say this as someone who knows how to dress for outdoor activities as I work outside.  There was a headwind for the first 5 miles, I should say a January headwind, and even though I was wearing gloves and a hat and other warm clothes, I froze.  I actually thought I might end up with frost bite on my fingers.  But the headwind we experienced for the first 5 miles was a tailwind coming back.  And by the time the ride was finished I had convinced myself it wasn’t so bad, but in reality it was.

I tell you all this because for a brief time today the sun came out and it appeared to be a nice spring day.  That’s when I pumped up my tires, put on my bike shorts and headed out the door.  Within 2 miles, my ass was sore, my legs felt like jelly and a relentless headwind was making my lips chapped.  Later as I was watching the weather on the evening news I found out that there were wind gusts up to 40mph.  Now, I don’t know if I was biking in 40mph wind, but it sure as hell felt like it especially when you have a sore ass.  And it was one of those winds that felt like it was in my face for the entire ride.  There were times I was barely going forward and even times the wind pushed me across the road a bit.  It was so ridiculously absurd I actually yelled out on more than one occasion…

“Is that all you got?”

And you know something, the entire 2 hours I was on my bike was wonderful, because I wasn’t cooped up in the house worrying about everything else going on.

The news right now is awful with no end in sight, a new normal has taken over, one where the wearing of face masks and gloves is recommended.  I worry about being there for my family, but for a few hours on a windy spring day, I yelled…

“Is that all you got?”

Peace and be safe

I was awakened to the rain pounding on the roof and against the window sill.  I rolled over, grabbed my phone and checked the weather and the news, both were equally dreary.

I figured I better check the supplies to see how long before one of us had to leave the house and venture into town.  Just saying that makes me feel like pioneer person living on the prairie,

“Yup, gonna hitch up the horses to the wagon and head into town for the monthly supplies,” at this point I would then spit into a brass spittoon.

The pantry was well stocked, with the basics like bread, cereal, noodles, fruit cups and protein powder.  A quick check of the refrigerator also looked promising, except we were alarmingly low on yogurt.  This was probably due to the fact that my son, for some reason has started eating 2 yogurts at a time.  A trip to the basement showed we have enough paper products for at least 2 weeks.  No need to leave the house today, a rainy Saturday is perfect for self isolation.

I did accomplish something useful today, no not any cleaning or organizing, come on its only day 2….I did a puzzle.  I can’t remember the last time I did a puzzle, and whenever I think of adults doing puzzles, I always think of the elderly doing puzzles to pass the time and keep their minds sharp, but that’s not why I was doing one, I was bored and just wanted to pass the time and anyhow I felt my mind turning to jello from too much time sitting around, so ya totally different from the elderly.

Well I admit after 40 minutes my son helped me with the last 15 or so pieces but in my defense it was a 100 piece puzzle that was very challenging.  And he had done it before so I’m sure it seemed easier for him to look at the remaining pieces and know where they went.  I found a 1000 piece puzzle in the closet and I think I might start that tomorrow, and if you think going from a 100 piece puzzle to a 1000 piece puzzle is a big jump, just keep in mind, I have all week and if I get frustrated I can just box it up and take it to the trash and declare that I have begun to clean the closets.

Be safe….Peace

I usually write something on this blog that I hope is mildly entertaining, humorous and maybe gets you to think about something in a different way.  Some of my stories are purely fictional (check out the girl scout cookie story) while others are real life experiences.  I try to keep them short and light, and some of them focus on the mundane tasks of daily life and how there’s always humor in the mundane, like grocery shopping.  It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything.  I know I said I was going to write at least once a month, but lately it seems that life has gotten more complicated.

The covid-19 virus has expanded from a slightly worrisome disease happening in China that was only a concern if you traveled to the affected areas or came in contact with someone who had, to a full blown world-wide pandemic that has brought our country to a halt.  I was all set a couple of weeks ago to write a humorous little story about visiting my local warehouse store (yes, I know, I know, another shopping story) and observing all the panic buying of toilet paper and hand sanitizer.  I was going to comment that all these people hoarding items in anticipation of a pandemic but still eating the free samples was the perfect picture of our modern society.  No belief in the grocery distribution network, so we have to panic buy essential items and consume tiny snacks on toothpicks.  Not to mention the slight possibility that those tiny snacks might have been touched by someone who hadn’t bought a barrel of hand sanitizer and who thought all this pandemic talk was hog wash.

Unfortunately, the situation got worse, much worse, very quickly.  Schools closed and probably won’t re-open this school year.  Large events like concerts and sporting events were cancelled.  Soon the words “social distancing” became known to all.  In most states a “stay at home, stay safe” order was instituted and business’ closed for weeks.  Many people have lost their income with no idea when they’ll be able to work again.

I’m fortunate, my job of driving around delivering packages was deemed essential and for that I’m thankful.  The normalcy of going to work and interacting with my co-workers is a welcome relief from the news on TV and social media.  I do worry about coming in contact with someone who is unaware they have been exposed and thereby exposes me to the virus.  Mostly this worries me because I don’t want to bring it home to my family who is observing the “stay at home” edict and therefore has little chance of being exposed to the virus.

Perhaps its for the best that I am now on a week long vacation, which was supposed to be a spring break trip to Florida, but was cancelled weeks ago when all this became serious.  I get to hunker down and quarantine with the rest of you.  The weather is turning nicer so hopefully I won’t go too stir crazy, as I’m not one to sit around and do nothing all day.  Hopefully I’ll be able to hike and bike this coming week, keeping an appropriate distance from the rest of you.  And I do have a couple of show and movie recommendations to watch.

I also thought it might be fun to keep track what I’m doing daily to see if I’m at all productive.  I always say I need to clean out the closets and the garage but I never have time.  I have a feeling that’s not the real reason those jobs never get done.  I’ll be trying to write a little something every day, so check back here for daily updates, I’ll try to keep it humorous and light-hearted.

For instance, today after my wife went to work, she has to go in once or twice a week, I slept in till 11:00…. I could get use the this quarantine

Stay safe and as always Peace

I recently finished a book by one of my favorite authors, Talking to Strangers, by Malcolm Gladwell.  It’s a non-fiction book about the difficulty in human communication.  The premise of the book is that not only are we bad at talking to strangers and recognizing what they’re really meaning when we talk to each other, but we’re also bad at the non-verbal communication, the body language cues that people give off.

The book examines why spies can go undetected for so long, and why financial scams cost people their life savings and why normal police traffic stops go so horribly and sometimes tragically wrong.  I was feeling quite satisfied, and I admit just a little bit smarter than I was before I read this book, when I noticed my teenage son, face buried in his phone and thumb scrolling at a rapid pace across the screen, and I realized if Mr. Gladwell really wanted to pen a best seller, than his next book could be called Talking to a Teenager.

I have the same conversation with my son every night.  It happens approximately 3 minutes after I walk through the door from work.

“How was school?”

“Fine”

“Any homework?”

“Some”

“What’s new?”

“Nothin”

“Any problems I need to know about?”

“No”

From this 20 second conversation, I’ve determined everything is going good in my sons life.  I’m fairly confident about this because I know that if something was really wrong, my wife would already know about it and would have told me before I had even shut the door.

Or take this conversation I had with him as I prepared the shopping list last weekend.

“Do you need granola bars?”

“mmm, mmh, mmeh”

Three sounds each one an octave higher than the one before.  I know this means an affirmative response and he definitely needs granola bars.

“How about fruit snacks?”

“mmh, mmmgr, mggr”

Also three sounds, but each one an octave lower than the one before, a big negative on the fruit snacks.

The real difficulty happens when he actually does try to speak.  He has a tendency to say yah and nah a lot and they frequently sound the same.

Lets be honest, the real problem with communicating with teenagers these days is the competition from their phone.  Nothing in their immediate vicinity is as interesting as whats on their phone.  The Facebook, the Snapchat, the YouTube, Twitter and Instagram, and there’s probably a whole bunch of new apps I don’t even know about.  Oh and the TIK TOK…. so much tik tokking going on.

Back when I was a child it was the TV that parents worried about.  What were we watching and how much time we spent in front of it.  Then the video games came along with the dire predictions that too much time playing video games was going to ruin children.  Now the cell phone, a mobile device that acts as a TV and a gaming system and so much more, so very much more.  Where in my childhood, my parents could turn off the TV thereby limiting our exposure to the programming and also to video games and shoo us outside, now a days the phone fits right in their pocket.  Kids go outside today and look at their phones, they get together with friends and look at their phones, often not even speaking to their friends unless they need to share a video.

I often wonder if this generation of kids are going to have bad necks from always looking down at their phone, and one thumb grotesquely larger than the other from scrolling with it.  In fact, in the future that thumb will probably have a name, the scrolling thumb.

But it’s not just the teenagers, it’s everyone.  Kids learn from the people around them, yes their friends but also from adults.  People are texting and driving, walking and watching YouTube, Tweeting when they should be talking to the people in front of them.  Do you take your phone into a restaurant when having dinner with other people?  Do you look at your phone more than one time during dinner?

I often think of my son as a big cat.  Much like a cat, he ignores us for most of the day disappearing into his room to sleep ungodly amounts of hours, only to reappear and ignore us some more until he wants to be fed.  And then finally when he’s well fed and rested, he’ll pay attention to us only if we’re amusing enough to him to drag him away from his phone.  Much like you have to dangle something interesting in front of a cat to get their attention, like a piece of string, we have to dangle something more interesting than his phone in front of him.

Is talking to teenagers difficult?  Yes, but no more so than it was for our parents when we were teenagers, just different.  Is there any secrets in getting your teenager to open up to you about what’s happening in their life…no, but I’ve found that if you talk about things there doing, things they’re interested in that, that’s a good starting point.

And if that doesn’t work, ask to do a Tik Tok with them….oh, so much Tik Tokking.

 

 

 

I find that sometimes  I have so many thoughts bouncing around in my head that I need an outlet to express them.  Usually this outlet is some poor, unsuspecting co-worker and after a minute or two I notice their eyes begin to glaze over and they begin to look for some type of escape from my ramblings.

So in the interest of keeping my co-workers on some what friendly terms, I present to you dear reader the first ever blog post of RANDOM BRAIN DUMP…..

I actually kinda wish I had some type of music that goes along with announcing that, like some trumpets or an entire orchestra, but alas the budget for this blog is very small and even though I’ve mentioned to management the need for upgrades, I have a feeling my requests have gone on deaf ears.  So think of some grand music whenever you hear about….

RANDOM BRAIN DUMP

Yesterday, I had a craving for chocolate milk.  It doesn’t happen often, maybe once or twice a month.  So I stopped in a gas station to satisfy my need for chocolate milk, and as I was standing there in front of the milk display, I noticed they have new flavors for chocolate milk.  Now you would think, as I do, that there is no need to mess around with chocolate milk. It is nearly perfect in every way and I dare you at this moment to not think of a cold glass of chocolate milk….you can’t can you, see once you start thinking about it, you can’t stop.  Well, that’s how I was yesterday, needing chocolate milk.  But as I said, the chocolate milk manufacturers clearly thought they needed a new gimmick for chocolate milk, so they have new flavors, Snickers and Twix flavors.  Mmmm…I thought I like Snickers and I like Twix so being bold like I am, I decided to stray slightly from just getting plain old chocolate milk and I grabbed a Twix chocolate milk and headed to the register.

Now a small bottle of chocolate milk usually sells for about $1.50-$2.00 depending on the store, and when I grabbed the Twix bottle I noticed there was no price on the shelf, so in essence I had no idea how much this small bottle of Twix chocolate milk was, but again I was being bold and living on the edge, like I often do.  I don’t usually pay much attention to prices, I kinda know what things should cost and I just buy them, rarely do I “shop around” and lets face it, this was not a shop around item.  Much to my surprise this small bottle of Twix chocolate milk clocked in at $3.29.  That’s a price that even caught my attention.  So I was already a bit disappointed with my purchase before I even opened it.  I was hoping this would be the best chocolate milk I’ve ever tasted, and if it was, it would justify paying $3.29.  I mean it kinda would, if you found the best of anything and it cost only $3.29 you would be overjoyed at finding it.

I know by now you’re probably on the edge of your seat and quite frankly there’s no way to sugar coat this but to tell you, it was not the best chocolate milk I’ve ever tasted, in fact it was GOD AWFUL.  It had such an overwhelming Twix taste to it, that to say this was chocolate milk in any way is a disservice to chocolate milk.  I will not be trying the Snickers version of this, and well, I’m starting to rethink my “being bold” strategy for the new year.

Speaking of the New Year and the New Decade…I feel like we need some music for whenever we say New Year, but since I can’t even get music for RANDOM BRAIN DUMP, I don’t think were getting music for NEW YEAR.

A lot of people begin the NEW YEAR with resolutions.  I’ve been there and made these same resolutions, to eat better, to sleep more, to be a better employee, friend, person…blah, blah, blah blah and blah.  We all know these resolutions probably won’t make it until Martin Luther King day….so people, no more with the resolutions unless you’re willing to make life style changes.  I digress and sorry for the life advice, but I do have a few things I’m working on for this NEW YEAR….I just heard trumpets, did you?

I’m going to try to write at least once a month….so yes this RANDOM BRAIN DUMP checks that box for January.  And I suspect many of you are actually dreading this announcement, but too bad, I suckered you in and lets face it, you made it this far, might as well see where this goes.

More adventures and more being bold and taking chances…although, as I mentioned with the Twix milk, I might want to be more selective.  More adventures simply means more doing THINGS.  Traveling, riding my bike, going places, eating at new places just more and more new stuff.

Through a friend, I’ve recently discovered free on-line classes through Hillsdale college.  They have classes on government, and history and literature and so forth, and even though I have a college degree I thought “you’re never too old to learn something new” so I signed up for the Constitution classes.  And before you think “wow Danko, that’s  amazing”…..they seem pretty straight forward and easy to grasp.  I’ll watch some videos, take some notes, take a quiz and boom, constitutional scholar I’ve become.  Perhaps that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but at the very least, I’ll answer a few more questions on Jeopardy.

Alright, one more thing….It’s about time for people to throw away their pumpkins that I still see sitting on peoples porches.  It’s January, a New Year, a New Decade and besides the pumpkins are disgusting.  The ones I see are rotten, wet, moldy messes usually squashed and almost unrecognizable.  I have a feeling these are also the people who leave their Christmas lights up until April, hey now there’s a future blog post, Christmas lights in April, betcha can’t wait for that one.  And now would be a good time to go through that bowl of Halloween candy and throw that away too, because I know one of your resolutions was to eat less candy in the New Year.

Peace…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 24, 2019

My Uncle Bob died a year and a half ago.  He was kind and generous, the kind of guy that everybody loved.  Nobody ever said anything bad about Uncle Bob because there was nothing bad to say about him.

He was funny and had a contagious laugh that made everyone around him laugh with him.  And boy did he like to tell stories, and even though everybody had heard his stories before, the way he told them left everybody laughing so hard their sides hurt and they had tears in their eyes.  The stories usually revolved around something a family member had done and with each retelling the stories grew, they grew more outrageous, more unbelievable, more hysterical.  He would wave his arms around wildly, and his voice would rise and fall in dramatic effect, sometimes he would even come out of his chair at critical points of the story.  Like I said, you couldn’t help but laugh even though you knew the story and how it ended.

Holidays and family gatherings have a little less laughter without Uncle Bob around.

Besides making people laugh, Uncle Bob loved a couple of other things, Christmas, especially Christmas decorations and sports, especially baseball.  His house was that one house that every neighborhood has.  You know, the one with ALL the lights and decorations.  And of course he couldn’t have just one Christmas tree, he always had multiple trees.  He even had a tree in the basement and on that tree were all his sports Christmas ornaments, ornaments commemorating championships, favorite teams and players.

At his funeral my Aunt brought all these sports ornaments and she made a simple request….take an ornament with you to remember Uncle Bob and hang it on your tree each year.  It was brilliant, what a great way to remember Uncle Bob.

I let my son pick out the ornament, and since he loves the Chicago Cubs he picked out a Sammy Sosa ornament.  And even though we have WAY TOO many Christmas ornaments on our tree, in fact we could probably get a second tree and easily fill that, there’s always room right at the front, just about eye level for a new ornament…a Chicago Cubs, Sammy Sosa.

Two thoughts….

Amidst all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, the shopping, the wrapping, the presents, the cooking and eating, take a moment to reflect and remember the people who are no longer with you and perhaps remember them in some unique way.

One of the greatest gifts you can give is to make someone else laugh…

Peace

 

It had been a lazy Sunday morning.  I had slept till almost 9 and then made a breakfast of sausage and pancakes for my son and I.  God I love lazy Sunday mornings, but it had its consequences.  All this wonderfulness had meant I was now doing the grocery shopping at the worst possible time…WHEN EVERYONE ELSE WAS.

It was the Sunday before Thanksgiving, you know that unique holiday that’s all about eating.  Think about it, no other holiday revolves around the meal as being the whole entire holiday.  Sure we eat and pig out on all the holidays…Memorial Day and the Fourth of July are big cook out days, but the days are celebrated for other things.  With Christmas there is a big meal but we all know what Christmas is really about….

* quiet voice* if you think its about the birth of Jesus, then how come nobody mentions that until like oh Christmas Eve?

No, Thanksgiving is unique for it is the feast that is celebrated, and yes I know we’re supposed to reflect on all that we’re thankful for, usually this happens either right before the meal when everyone can smell the cooked food, or right after the pumpkin pie and all everyone is thinking about is getting the prime seat on the couch.  This of course meant my local superstore was jam packed with people all with the same objective, get in, get out, get home.

Armed with my list…why was our list so big this week?, we weren’t even hosting Thanksgiving, and my shopping cart I took a deep breath and entered.

I think a grocery store on the Sunday before Thanksgiving must be one of the circles of Hell that Dante talks about.  The checkouts were already backed up as I entered, and I rather optimistically told myself that by the time I got done, the lines would be much shorter.  Oh, the things we tell ourselves to get through life, oh the things we tell ourselves.

People are usually very considerate when shopping, they step aside to let you pass if they’re looking at an item or they say “excuse me” if they need to get around you.  But this was not one of those days.  It quickly became apparent that the niceities were left in the parking lot.  Shopping carts were being used as bumper cars, the elderly were close to being trampled…in my defense there’s no reason to read labels on a day like this, just throw it in the cart and keep moving grandma.

One aisle was particularly backed up, there was so many people stopped in it, I couldn’t see what was going on.  Did shoppers come to blows over some canned gravy or boxed stuffing? Did shopping carts become entangled in some kind of horrific chain reaction type of accident?  Was blood being spilled for cranberries?  ( side note, I’ve never had cranberries, I have no desire to try them and why blood would be spilled for them is a mystery to me, but it could happen.)  It was so bad, people were turning their carts around and heading back out from where they came, creating even more havoc.  I finally got close enough to see what had happened, one of those scooter carts that are normally populated by the elderly had run out of power and was “dead” in the aisle.  Tensions were running high, people were no longer muttering under their breath but muttering very vocally.  Finally, store personal brought a “tow truck” like contraption to tow the scooter and the old person in it out of the way and to the nearest plug.  I hope there was another scooter for her and she didn’t have to sit in it till it was fully charged again, but she might have, because I never saw her again.

I double checked my list, I’m not sure I would have gone back to that war zone even if I did forget anything, and I headed to the checkouts, hoping that there was no line.

I quickly found a checkout with only 1 lady in it, yay for me.  Unfortunately, the conveyor belt was already full, her cart was only half empty and improbably she had more merchandise piled on the floor.  I instantly began to hate her.  She was a stylish, older lady in black leggings, with an Apple watch and a little bit too much makeup.  It was evident that she was hosting Thanksgiving.  On the conveyor belt was a turkey, some potatoes and a sure fire dead give away, the boxed wine.

I turned around to see a younger couple had entered our lane.  They had two children, a toddler who was touching every candy bar and pack of gum and a small baby in its car seat in the cart.  The parents had a zombie like look on their faces, which I’m betting was not there when they entered the store.  It was a look I had seen before and had even experienced.  It was the look of a young couple who had made the horrific mistake of going shopping as a family.  I remember making the same mistake once or twice many years ago, and since then grocery shopping had become a solo excursion.

The mom was bent over the shopping cart inches from her child’s face doing that baby talk thing that parents do, as if talking like this makes it more easy for the baby to understand you.

“You have gas don’t you, yes you do, yes you do, I know that look, it means you have gas.”

Wait, what….?

“Honey, I think he has gas,” she was now talking to her husband, but he wasn’t paying attention, he was looking past me and as I turned around I saw what had averted his attention from his baby talking wife, gassy child and candy bar touching toddler.  Ms. Black Leggings and Apple watch was bent over her shopping cart retrieving the items at the very bottom of the cart, a 12 pack of White Claw and scented candles.  Ah, it all made sense now, her Friday was all planned.  After the relatives left, she could sleep in on Friday, have some friends over, probably also wearing black leggings, break out the White Claw and fire up the scented candles.

“You’re pushing aren’t, yes you are, yes you are.  I can tell when you’re pushing, you’re little fists get all balled up and you get that look on your face when your pushing.”

Oh good lord….

“Honey, he’s pushing now, can you tell, I can tell when he’s pushing.”  Although his attention was still on Ms. Black Leggings, the husband did mutter “pushing.”  Finally the wife slapped her almost drooling husband on the shoulder to snap him back to reality.

“We’re going to have to change him before we go.”

The husband gave a resigned sigh, a sigh I had experienced as a young parent, the realization that you’ll be changing a diaper in the most unlikeliest of places.  By this time I had piled my groceries on the conveyor belt and there was still room on the end, and I had the sudden realization that they might try use the end of the conveyor belt as some kind of changing table.  So I grabbed one of those plastic conveyor belt dividers and I slapped that thing down at the very end of the belt.  Perhaps I did it too harshly but I think I made my point.  Nobody messes with the divider, it is one of the most powerful pieces of plastic ever invented.  Have a property line dispute with a neighbor, just grab a handful of grocery store conveyor belt dividers, lay those down and problem solved.  As I turned to look at the couple, they had a look on their faces, it appeared that they were judging me… hmmph the nerve of some people.

My groceries were bagged and paid for and I was seconds from making my escape, but there was just one more obstacle to navigate.  There was only 1 exit door working and like a lane closure on the highway, people were trying to merge into the line to get out the door.  I stood there surveying the situation, and at just the right time, just after someone came through the “In” door, I darted out through the “In” door.

I was out, I had made it, I had survived.  I had broken a few rules, but that’s who I am, a rule breaker.  Sure some elderly might have been pushed aside and some small children might have been insulted and left crying, but it was survival of the fittest in there.

As I scanned the parking lot, only one thought crossed my mind….if only I could remember where I parked my car.

 

 

 

 

“Friends come in and out of your life like busboys.”

It’s a line, a good line from one of my favorite movies.  I must admit, I probably have about 20 favorite movies.  This line comes from the classic 80’s coming of age movie “Stand by Me.”  The story of 4 teenage boys who embark on a 2 day hike across their county to find the body of another teenage boy who’s been killed in a tragic accident after being hit by a train.  They hope to find the body, alert the authorities and become heroes.  Along the way they encounter a mean dog, a pond full of leeches, their own close brush with a train trying to run them over, and perhaps their greatest obstacle, their own vulnerabilities as begin to realize their past stays with them as they get older, but it doesn’t have to define them.

I can’t remember the last time I watched the whole movie, probably at least 5 years ago, but I usually find it at least once a month as I’m flipping around the TV at night.  I’ll always watch at least 10-15 minutes of it just to see what part is on.  I have 2 favorite scenes. The first is when the boys are sitting around the campfire and they encourage the main character Gordie, an aspiring writer, to tell them a story.  He proceeds to regale them with a story about an extremely obese boy who the local townspeople derisively call “lard-ass.”  The townsfolk want “lard-ass” to enter the annual pie-eating contest, but it’s not in an encouraging way, but in a “lets all watch the freak do his thing” way.  I do remember the audible groans that were heard in the movie theater when everyone saw  how “lard-ass” was plotting his revenge.  It’s a memorable scene and probably the first time I heard the words “barf-o-rama.”

My second favorite scene is the ending, when the boys come back into town and even though they’ve only been gone for 2 days, their town seems smaller.  The narrator then summarizes what became of each of his friends as they go through their teen years.  He loses track of 2 of the boys as they begin taking different classes in high school until as he says, “they just became faces in the hallway.” He always remained close with his best friend, and even though they hadn’t seen each other in years, he always considered him his friend.

Somewhere in that final scene comes the line “friends come in and out of your life like busboys.”

I’m not sure in my many viewings of the movie when I started noticing that line.  I’m sure it wasn’t the first couple of times, because I would have been much younger and if I did notice it, I would have thought that wasn’t even true.  Perhaps when you’re younger you think that the friends you have are always going to be your friends.  As I got older I realized that wasn’t the case.  Sure, I’m still friends with some guys I went to high school with, but we hardly ever see each other.  Some friends I have now are because our kids are doing the same activities.  My son played lacrosse for 3 years in middle school, our spring weekends were lacrosse weekends.  We got to know all the other parents on my sons team.  We spent hours together watching our kids compete, we shared food and drink, and we killed the time between games by getting to know each other.  When my son started high school he no longer wanted to play lacrosse, instead he wanted to run cross country and track.  Goodbye lacrosse friends, hello cross country friends.

The thing about busboys is that their an essential part of the operation of a restaurant.  They take away the dirty dishes and clean the table allowing the restaurant to seat another group.  Their usually quick, moving from one table to the next, but you hardly even notice them unless your the next people waiting on a table or they break a dish.  You probably couldn’t pick out your busboy in a lineup an hour after you saw him.

People come into your life for a reason, sometimes that reason is plain to see, other times it’s only in hindsight that you understand the role a person plays for you.  People also go out of your life, usually circumstances change, they either physically move away or more likely something has happened that redefines the friendship.  It doesn’t diminish what the friendship meant, sometimes they just become “faces in the hallway.”

I’ve sat here staring at this screen for way too long trying to determine how to conclude this blog post about busboys and friends.  I keep trying to come up with the perfect summary that ties it altogether, a conclusion that will leave you, the reader nodding in agreement, enlightened at my wisdom, a conclusion that will have a profound impact on all your future friendships.  But dear reader, there is no secret, there is no magical summary.  Everybody’s had friends, been friends and lost friends.  All I know is the more you have, the better off you are….

Also tip your waitress’ well, they generally share some of it with the busboys.