I was at the grocery store the other day, and as I write this, I realize this is probably the 3rd story I’ve written about being at the grocery store. That may seem odd, but when you think about it, everybody needs to eat and most people eat at least 3 times a day and although some people eat out maybe once or twice a week or maybe they grab lunch at the drive-thru, most people eat the majority of their meals at home with items purchased from the grocery store.
So, it’s really not that surprising that unique things happen at the grocery store. It’s a place everyone goes to at least once a week, I swear there are some weeks when we’re there 2 or 3 times a week to just pickup a few items.
It happened to be on a Wednesday when I made one of those trips to the grocery store to just pickup a few items. It was our small hometown grocery store, not the large big box superstore we usually go to on the weekend. It’s a nice, recently remodeled store that has everything you need from a grocery store, you know a deli and bakery, an extensive beer and wine selection and most uniquely, a cashier at each open register, none of those self checkout registers. I had picked up my handful of items, mostly vegetables for our evening salad and a chocolate milk for me for the ride home, and I made my way to the Express Lane.
The Express Lane is 15 items or less and as I stood there I pondered how the number of items permitted in the Express Lane seems to have grown. It used to be 10 or 12 items and now we’re up to 15 which really doesn’t seem like an Express Lane when a person only has a couple of items and the person ahead of them has 15, because if they have 15 items, how do we know they don’t really have 16 or even 20 items, which really kinda defeats the purpose of the Express Lane.
This expansion of the Express Lane seems to be following a trend all across our society….bigger, wider, more, more, more. Our vehicles are bigger, our houses and garages are bigger, our waistlines are bigger so we need bigger seats at the movie theater and on the airplanes and at the stadiums. Perhaps it’s a bit far-fetched to blame the growing number of items at the Express Lane to our excessive need for bigger everything, but it is an interesting thought process.
As the cashier was ringing up my items, as she stood behind her plexiglass divider and with her face obscured by a mask, she asked me to enter my Perks number, at least that’s what I thought she said because every conversation with someone behind a plexiglass divider with their mouth covered by a mask sounds like a conversation with an adult from the Peanuts cartoons.
“Mmmph, mmph, mmph, mmmph and mmph……”
“yes it is a nice day….”
“Mmmmph, mmmpppp, mmmmph mmmmpph….”
“no, I don’t have a stomach ache….I’m actually feeling quite well…”
“mmmph, mmmph, perks, mmmph…”
“oh yes, I do have a perks number”
As I was entering my Perks number, I noticed a sign that said customers 55 and older could get Double Perks on Wednesdays.
I contemplated telling the cashier that I had just recently turned 55 and therefore would qualify for Double Perks on Wednesdays. I’m not even sure what Double Perks even means or how I would use them as I don’t think I’ve ever redeemed any of my perk points. Who knows, I could already have a million perks and if I got Double Perks I might soon have a billion perks, and with the way the Perks program works, a billion perk points might get me about $20 off my next shopping trip.
The problem is, I don’t actually look 55 and nobody believes me when I tell them I’m 55….in fact everyone says
“you look great”….and “I never would have guessed your that old…..”
So if I would have told the cashier my age, I’m sure she wouldn’t have believed me and she probably would make me show my drivers license and then there would be that awkward moment as she tries to figure out my age from the year I was born, and meanwhile the line behind me grows and the people start whispering…..
“what’s going on up there….?”
“does he have more than 15 items in the express lane ?”
“Oh god, is he using coupons ?”
“No, he’s trying to get Double Perks…”
“Double Perks ?……he can’t get Double Perks, he’s not 55, the nerve of some people”
So I guess I’ll continue to get single Perks, even on Wednesdays, and wait for that day when I look my age….it’ll come soon enough, but I promise you, I’ll never act my age.
As always….be kind, and take care of each other…
Peace,
John
John's Blog 