“Friends come in and out of your life like busboys.”
It’s a line, a good line from one of my favorite movies. I must admit, I probably have about 20 favorite movies. This line comes from the classic 80’s coming of age movie “Stand by Me.” The story of 4 teenage boys who embark on a 2 day hike across their county to find the body of another teenage boy who’s been killed in a tragic accident after being hit by a train. They hope to find the body, alert the authorities and become heroes. Along the way they encounter a mean dog, a pond full of leeches, their own close brush with a train trying to run them over, and perhaps their greatest obstacle, their own vulnerabilities as begin to realize their past stays with them as they get older, but it doesn’t have to define them.
I can’t remember the last time I watched the whole movie, probably at least 5 years ago, but I usually find it at least once a month as I’m flipping around the TV at night. I’ll always watch at least 10-15 minutes of it just to see what part is on. I have 2 favorite scenes. The first is when the boys are sitting around the campfire and they encourage the main character Gordie, an aspiring writer, to tell them a story. He proceeds to regale them with a story about an extremely obese boy who the local townspeople derisively call “lard-ass.” The townsfolk want “lard-ass” to enter the annual pie-eating contest, but it’s not in an encouraging way, but in a “lets all watch the freak do his thing” way. I do remember the audible groans that were heard in the movie theater when everyone saw how “lard-ass” was plotting his revenge. It’s a memorable scene and probably the first time I heard the words “barf-o-rama.”
My second favorite scene is the ending, when the boys come back into town and even though they’ve only been gone for 2 days, their town seems smaller. The narrator then summarizes what became of each of his friends as they go through their teen years. He loses track of 2 of the boys as they begin taking different classes in high school until as he says, “they just became faces in the hallway.” He always remained close with his best friend, and even though they hadn’t seen each other in years, he always considered him his friend.
Somewhere in that final scene comes the line “friends come in and out of your life like busboys.”
I’m not sure in my many viewings of the movie when I started noticing that line. I’m sure it wasn’t the first couple of times, because I would have been much younger and if I did notice it, I would have thought that wasn’t even true. Perhaps when you’re younger you think that the friends you have are always going to be your friends. As I got older I realized that wasn’t the case. Sure, I’m still friends with some guys I went to high school with, but we hardly ever see each other. Some friends I have now are because our kids are doing the same activities. My son played lacrosse for 3 years in middle school, our spring weekends were lacrosse weekends. We got to know all the other parents on my sons team. We spent hours together watching our kids compete, we shared food and drink, and we killed the time between games by getting to know each other. When my son started high school he no longer wanted to play lacrosse, instead he wanted to run cross country and track. Goodbye lacrosse friends, hello cross country friends.
The thing about busboys is that their an essential part of the operation of a restaurant. They take away the dirty dishes and clean the table allowing the restaurant to seat another group. Their usually quick, moving from one table to the next, but you hardly even notice them unless your the next people waiting on a table or they break a dish. You probably couldn’t pick out your busboy in a lineup an hour after you saw him.
People come into your life for a reason, sometimes that reason is plain to see, other times it’s only in hindsight that you understand the role a person plays for you. People also go out of your life, usually circumstances change, they either physically move away or more likely something has happened that redefines the friendship. It doesn’t diminish what the friendship meant, sometimes they just become “faces in the hallway.”
I’ve sat here staring at this screen for way too long trying to determine how to conclude this blog post about busboys and friends. I keep trying to come up with the perfect summary that ties it altogether, a conclusion that will leave you, the reader nodding in agreement, enlightened at my wisdom, a conclusion that will have a profound impact on all your future friendships. But dear reader, there is no secret, there is no magical summary. Everybody’s had friends, been friends and lost friends. All I know is the more you have, the better off you are….
Also tip your waitress’ well, they generally share some of it with the busboys.
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