I’ve come to the conclusion that I have a slight problem with Nutella. Yes Nutella, that creamy hazelnut cocoa spread. I’ve been consuming a lot of it lately. It started off innocently enough by just spreading some on my banana in the morning. That was so tasty I tried it on an apple that I cut up, and that was equally as delicious. If you think I’m limiting my consumption to fruit, well you’re wrong. I discovered that by toasting a couple of frozen waffles and then putting chunky peanut butter on one waffle and Nutella on the other, the result is a waffle sandwich that should be served in fine restaurants.
It all seemed fairly harmless, at least I thought as I was only using it in the morning, and only on breakfast foods. Lately though I’ve been eating it right from the jar one knifeful at a time. I realized this might be a problem as I wandered into the bedroom the other night, jar of Nutella and knife in hand. I actually had no idea why I was walking around carrying Nutella from room to room. My wife was reading a book in bed and normally it would take a minor catastrophe like the house burning down to get her attention, but she happened to notice the jar and knife so she inquired what I was planning to do with it. At that moment it suddenly struck me I could do a bunch of things with Nutella in the bedroom and if she just waited a minute while I also got some whipped cream I would show her what I planned to do. I don’t believe I’ll ever forget the two words she spoke to me that night. She said “Get out” and since she didn’t also throw any luggage at me I assumed she just meant the bedroom and not the house.
I went back to the living room, knife and Nutella still in hand. As I sat on the couch and speared out a knifeful, I began reading the back of the label. The first ingredient is sugar and I’ve always heard if the first ingredient is sugar you should spit it out and throw away whatever it is your eating. But at this point I was in too deep, both in the jar and with my craving. I also noticed that you can follow Nutella on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram. Ha I thought, what kind of fool would follow Nutella on social media, but I was hooked, I had to check it out. I looked up their Instgram page and quite frankly it’s Nutella porn. I knew I shouldn’t be watching it but I couldn’t look away. So many uses for this creamy delisciosness. Whoever thought of spreading Nutella on Oreo cookies, well kudos to you my friend. And using it as a frosting for brownies and then throwing some M & M’s on top of that, well hello sugar overload.
I don’t want you to think that I’m unique in my appreciation for Nutella. I happened to remember a story of some rioting somewhere over Nutella. A quick Google search confirmed my thinking. It was in France, yes France, more known for their wine and cheese and culinary expertise but yet according to NPR, there was a run on Nutella last January when a grocery chain slashed the price from $5.60 to about $1.75. Again according to NPR, “hundreds of French citizens lost their savoir faire driven to desperation by a 70% drop in price. One video showed a throng of people rushing to collect as many jars as they could carry.”
According to the daily paper Le Progress there were “riot scenes everywhere.” I watched the one video and I must say it is a bit of a stretch to describe this as a riot scene. It certainly is no worse than Walmart on black Friday when there’s big screen TV’s on sale. Although another paper Le Parisien said that “police were called after customers came to blows in the frenzy.” A store manger described the customers as “aggressive and trying to tear the pots out and menacing us.” At this point I happen to wonder if it was a slow news day in France as even I think this seems to have received an inordinate amount of coverage. I mean this is a country where it’s citizens once stormed the Bastille to ignite a revolution and now there storming the aisles of grocery stores for Nutella.
I had reached the end, the knife was scraping bottom, the sugar crash was coming hard, and although I’m reasonably certain I’ll never be involved in a stampede for Nutella, I knew I couldn’t continue like this. I vowed to go a week without Nutella and then reevaluate my situation. If only I had the will power to un-follow their Instagram page.
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